disclosure egg donation older moms telling

If You Are An Older Mom

By on April 14, 2009

My question to you “older moms” 45+ — Do people off the street actually
walk up to you and ask “Is that your child?” and if you say yes do they
then go on to ask? “Your egg or donor egg?” If that’s really going on out
there then I have to say I am thoroughly disgusted.

The older *I* get the more intolerant of rudeness I become. When I was 38
and having my son I never got those kinds of questions, even though child was
blonde haired and blue eyed. And while I dyed my hair and put blonde chunks
in it – I had brown eyes and no one said squat to me, other than “What a
gorgeous kid” and my reply was always a beaming smile and a “Why thank you,
we think so too”

I think if now at my age of 45, if someone asked me about donor egg
regarding my kid and I didn’t know them I would just reply with “Why do you
ask?” That pulls the rug out from under most people without being catty.
You are asking a legitimate question – Why are they asking about your
reproductive history?

For instance, if you saw your neighbor, pharmacist, friend who was older and
let’s say it was a man you wouldn’t ask “So, Frank, you taking Viagra these
days? I see a little spring in your step – you must be getting a little
lately? (wink wink)” Or if it was a woman – You wouldn’t say “Oh Jane I
noticed you seem happier, Frank taking Viagra these days?” “Or did you get
a little work done?”

Those of you who have family and friends and you are not disclosing
regardless of what age you are, those folks need to respect your boundaries.
You aren’t asking any of them who got on top when they had sex to have their
children are you? No – I didn’t think so. They shouldn’t be just
arbitrarily asking you about your personal reproductive information either.

Sorry – This kind of stuff is a hot button for me. I don’t answer questions
about my political choices, my religious beliefs, how much money I make,
what kind of sex I like, or my reproductive health, or my health period
unless *I* enter a conversation on my own volition.

I don’t think you ladies should have to either – or feel like you have to
lie about it.

1 Comment
  1. Reply


    April 24, 2009

    You’re correct. It’s highly inappropriate. Not to mention it’s not impossilbe for women that age to become pregnant with their own egg. Less likely, but not impossible.

    Still doesn’t excuse the unmitigated gall of such a question.



Portland, OR

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