By on December 25, 2024

Normalizing egg and embryo donation is essential in today’s world, as it’s becoming an increasingly common and beautiful way to grow families. Egg donation and embryo donation are increasingly used to help individuals and couples build their families, with over 20,000 donor egg cycles reported per year in the U.S. While specific numbers for 2023 and 2024 are not yet available, the upward trend underscores the growing importance of these incredible reproductive options.

Transparency, honesty, and integrity are absolutely vital when it comes to sharing a donor-conceived child’s story with them. This isn’t just about fulfilling a moral obligation—it’s about empowering the child with a sense of identity, trust, and connection that can only come from knowing the truth about their origins.

Being transparent with a child about their donor-conceived story helps lay the foundation for a trusting and open parent-child relationship. When parents share this information early, in age-appropriate ways, they create a sense of normalcy around the child’s origins. This honesty sends the message that there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of, fostering a safe space where the child feels valued and loved for exactly who they are.

Knowing their biology and genetics is critical for a donor-conceived child’s sense of self. Understanding where they come from is a fundamental human need. It allows them to integrate their story into their identity, which becomes especially important as they grow older and ask questions about their genetic heritage. This knowledge helps prevent feelings of confusion or betrayal that often arise when donor-conceived individuals learn about their origins later in life, sometimes accidentally.

Honesty is also vital for health reasons. A child who knows their donor background has access to important medical and genetic information that may affect their future healthcare decisions. Transparency in this area can literally save lives by ensuring that donor-conceived children are aware of their genetic risks and history.

When parents share their child’s donor story with integrity, they demonstrate a commitment to the child’s well-being above all else. This process shouldn’t be rushed or forced—it’s about creating a lifelong, open dialogue that evolves as the child matures. Parents can use tools like books, simple explanations, or personal family narratives to introduce the concept at an early age, gradually providing more details as the child grows.

It’s important to remember that this story belongs to the donor-conceived child. Parents should be transparent with their child, their family, and their child’s healthcare providers—but they don’t owe the world this information. A child’s donor-conceived story is theirs to share with the general public, if and when they feel ready. Protecting their privacy and autonomy in this area is a key part of honoring their identity.

By normalizing donor conception, we create a culture where these stories are seen as something to celebrate, not hide. It moves the narrative from secrecy to pride in the extraordinary love and intention that went into building a family this way. Many donor-conceived individuals who discover their origins later in life—sometimes through DNA tests or accidental disclosures—report feelings of anger or disconnection. Sharing the truth from the start prevents this and creates an environment of honesty.

Egg and embryo donation are beautiful, selfless gifts that help create families. By talking openly and honestly, we reduce the stigma, honor donor-conceived individuals, and celebrate the many ways families come to be. It’s a story of love, connection, and science coming together to create something truly extraordinary. Let’s keep normalizing and celebrating these incredible journeys.

There’s a great book to help you with your journey regarding talking and telling- Let’s Talk About Egg Donation

by Marna Gatlin and Carole Lieber Wilkins, MA,MFT

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