By on March 17, 2015

Lisa and Ryan Illuminations honoring Elton John

I’ve met Ryan Murphy a couple of times over the past three years at various charity events revolving around infertility.

Unless you live under a rock Ryan Murphy is a household name producing smash hits like The ‘American Horror Story’ and ‘Glee’. And every time I’m in his presence I forget about the fact that he’s a Hollywood “A-lister” I see him as this down-to-earth, genuine human being, a really nice man who loves the world, his husband David Miller, and of course his two beautiful children.
The last time I saw him was at an Illuminations event organized Path2 Parenthood (formerly known as the American Fertility Association). He was there like many of us to come together to support, honor,  and watch sir Elton John receive an award from Path2 Parenthood. I brought my sister Lisa with me to this event because I wanted her to see my part of the world and share with her why I do what I do – and most importantly so she could see for herself that this is truly my vocation not just a job 🙂 <p>

It was by chance that Ryan was there and knowing my sister loves him to death, and is a great fan of both shows I introduced her to him. In true Ryan form he embraced my sister, hugged her, let me take a photo of them together – and was just so loving and kind. It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment for her – and Ryan Murphy being Ryan Murphy just made her whole experience so much more meaningful because again he’s just a lovely human being.
When the whole Dolce & Gabbana debacle occurred and Elton John with his spouse David Furnish stood up bravely and spoke out about how awful the statements made by D&G were one of the first people I thought about when I read the statements regarding all of this was Ryan Murphy. I had hoped he would speak up – and I couldn’t imagine him not speaking up because he advocates for all kinds of people.

And he did. Oh my God did he ever- and as I read the statement I gave a hearty “Hell yes!!!”

Ryan summed my feelings up about all of this perfectly when he said :

“This is not just a gay issue,” Murphy says. “I know 10 women in my life who used IVF to conceive — and three doing it right now. IVF is a scientific miracle that helps loving families fulfill their dreams. To tell them their choices as women — anyone’s choices on family — are not embraced, well, I don’t think they’ll be traipsing off to a Dolce & Gabbana store to buy clothes anytime soon.

Ryan’s right – this is not just a gay issue. This is a human issue. My org (PVED) assists over 10,000 individuals a year now navigate their journey through the uncharted waters of infertility, Egg Donation, embryo donation and surrogacy. 

I have personally heard the pain and heartache in the voices of both men and women who want nothing more than to be parents. To be a mom or a dad. To conceive, and bring a child into the world that they can love, nurture, and become a family with.
What frosts me even more about this whole situation is that the Gabbana who is now the biggest hypocrite in the world was quoted as saying in 2006 “My dream is to have a baby. I want my own child, biological child, the fruit of my sperm, conceived through artificial insemination because it wouldn’t make sense for me to make love to a woman I don’t love.” 

I want to know how different that is from IVF, egg donation, or surrogacy. I can tell you what – there is no difference because if Gabbana wants to become a father he’s going to need to select an egg donor and a surrogate because the last time I checked he’s a man and doesn’t have a uterus or eggs.
This is just pure hypocrisy.
And let’s take a moment and talk about all of the celebrities who have also trekked through the jungles of infertility to create their families through Assisted reproductive technology (ART). They are people too, and just because they are public figures and entertainers doesn’t mean they don’t experience the same pain as the rest of the world who are fertility challenged.

I am for the life of me still trying to figure out and make sense of the logic of Dolce’s statement regarding nontraditional families referring to our children as synthetic or that having a family is not a fad – and now state: “It was never our intention to judge other people’s choices. We do believe in freedom and love.”

Oh please. You both can make $8000 fur covered headphones but you’re going to judge Elton John, David Furnish, Ryan Murphy, David Miller, myself and thousands and thousands of other individuals who have created or are building their families using advance reproductive technology – IVF etc…

Ryan and Elton – you both continue speaking up and advocating for those of us who struggle to become parents. We will keep listening. Together we will continue to educate those who are ignorant and not understanding that family building is done individually, and looks different to everybody – not one-size-fits-all.
You have my gratitude. Thank you.
Marna Gatlin
Parents Via Egg Donation
“Changing the world one baby at a time”

  1. Reply

    Stacey Foster Martz

    March 17, 2015

    Right on!

  2. Reply

    Lisa Carr

    March 17, 2015

    Bravo Marna !



Portland, OR

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