By on July 10, 2014

I have been thinking and thinking and thinking about the Sherri Shepherd situation and I have come to this conclusion. If an intended mother enters into an arrangement with an egg donor and a gestational surrogate to purposely conceive a child and then signs a legal contract agreeing to take custody of the baby when that baby is born she is this child’s mother whether she likes it or not. Whether she is at odds, hates, or despises the intended father – she’s still this child’s mother.

As I read in the media that Sherri Shepherd is trying to argue she is not is ridiculous due to the fact she doesn’t want to pay child support for the baby or be this baby’s mother – and frankly this makes me sick.

Doesn’t a child’s right to financial and emotional support of two parents supersede Sheri Shepherd’s right to back out of this surrogacy arrangement all because she doesn’t want to pay child support or have contact with her soon to be ex-husband?

And what about the gestational surrogate? Presumably this surrogate agreed to this arrangement because she thought she was carrying this child for two people who actually wanted this baby and were going to parent this baby – hopefully together. This was the agreement when the surrogate signed on for the cycle – yes? My guess is the surrogate didn’t agree to carry a baby for a couple who might or might not be together at the end of a pregnancy or who might or might not parent together because they didn’t like each other.

If the marriage had broken down before the cycle even began why did Sherri agree to go forward with an egg donor/gestational surrogate cycle? That makes no sense.

I’m sorry Sherri you intended to become this child’s mother when you arranged for his or her conception and you should be required to act as his or her mother when this baby is actually born. What would you have done if by chance you had conceived the old fashion way? Decided because you hate your ex-husband you weren’t going to parent? That’s now how life works. You made an active and purposeful decision to conceive life – you absolutely cannot just discard this child as if it were a used designer handbag.

Shame on you for even remotely thinking about doing anything different.

And most importantly — what about the baby? What about this child who is going to be born into a situation that he or she did not agree to or sign up for – what is this child going to learn about his or her conception? How are you going to explain to this child that his or her mother walked away and out of his or her life before birth?

Are you not stopping just for two seconds to think about the feelings of this baby – or are you just thinking about your own?

Trust me – there are thousands of men and women in my community who would jump at the chance of having the honor of becoming a mom or a dad – yes thousands who yearn every single day at the prospect of become parents.

So Sherri do the right thing – find a good therapist – do some hard work – stop and breathe for a second and really examine what you’re about to do and then step up regardless of how much you hate your soon to be ex-husband, embrace the fact you are going to be a mother again and give this child the life he or she so richly deserves – filled with love, care, financial and medical support, guidance, and acceptance.

It’s the least you can do.

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